Can you see the real me?

So here I am again. Same old, same old. Filled with self-doubt, wondering what direction I should take. Trying to make any decision whatsoever about what direction my life will go in, personally, financially, academically, career-wise, everything. It's been about 3 years since I graduated from college, and for that time I feel like I've been living on hold. I haven't moved forward, nor backward. I've just been running through the motions, living day-to-day and ignoring (or rather, hiding from) the big picture. I'm terrified of the future because I don't know what form it will take. I don't know where I'll be, what I'll be doing, who will be there with me. To me, uncertainty is the most maddening thing I can think of and that's because you have no possible way to control it. As I've said before I feel frozen, not being able to move forward because I'm terrified I'll make the wrong decision, terrified that I'll fail at something. I'm trying to work through these problems, and friends both new and old have been helping, but it ultimately comes down to me. I have to take control. I have to live my life, not just be a spectator to it. It's not easy to go froward, but going backward is not an option. I've got to figure out what I'm passionate about, what makes me tick, and what's going to make me want to get up in the morning 20 years down the road. Again, I know I'm the only person who can decide this. It's up to me to set a course for the future, one that isn't in some nebulous gray area. I've got to find happiness, in whatever form that takes.

The title comes from the song The Real Me by The Who from their album Quadrophenia. The album is one I really identify with because the main character is a young man who isn't necessarily sure who he is or what he wants to do. In The Real Me he goes around to different people (a psychiatrist, his mother, a former romantic interest, and a preacher) asking them if they see the real him. They apparently don't. He doesn't get any really clarity of who he is until the last song when in the middle of a storm at sea he has an epiphany: through this search he's grown and become what he was looking for; he was himself all along. Hopefully I'll have a similar epiphany, when the time is right, and when I've grown up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dlN55SoF4Q

I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink
I sit and tell him about my weekend
But he never betrays what he thinks

Can you see the real me doctor, doctor
Can you see the real me doctor, whoa doctor

I went back to my mother
I said, "I'm crazy, ma, help me"
She said, "I know how it feels son
'Cause it runs in the family"

Can you see the real me, mother, mother
Can you see the real me, mother, ooh mother
Can you see, can you see, can you see the real me
Can you see, can you see the real me, the real me, the real me

The cracks between the paving stones
Look like rivers of flowing veins
Strange people who know me
Peeping from behind every window pane

The girl I used to love
Lives in this yellow house
Yesterday she passed me by
She doesn't want to know me now

Can you see the real me, can you, can you
Can you see the real me, can you, whoa yeah

I ended up with a preacher
Full of lies and hate
I seemed to scare him a little
So he showed me to the golden gate

Can you see the real me preacher, preacher
Can you see the real me preacher
Can you see, can you see, can you see, oh
Can you see the real me doctor
Can you see the real me mother 

Can you see the real me me me me me me me me me me me