Late-Night Ponderings

So here I am at 3:30 in the AM sitting at my computer not wanting to go to bed. I've been here at school for about a week now, for RA training. I really really like the people that I'm going to be on staff with. I know everyone on staff really well, because out of the 7 other people, 5 of them went to Harlaxton with me a year ago, 1 was on staff with me as an RA last year, and the last person I got to know a little bit at the end of last semester. I think that we are going to be a very close-knit and fun group. As an example of just those qualities, me and 4 of the other RAs got back from McDonald's a little while ago after going on a whim. It's nice to have people to do that sort of thing with. And I think that we will all do a good job with the residents, which is our job. I'm looking forward to the school-year starting. I know most people don't look at it that way. I really look forward to starting classes, mainly because I pick all of my classes so they are ones that I want to take. I'm excited about taking my fourth language, adding German to the mix of Spanish, Latin, and ancient Greek. You might think that makes me an language guru, but really I just know a little bit from all of them. Also going with the language theme I'm taking a linguistic anthropology class. Languages are very interesting to me. The thing I'm not looking forward to is I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do after college. And with this being my senior year, everyone is going to be asking me just that question. I'm sure that I will figure it out in time, but it's frustrating to me personally when someone asks me a question that I either don't know the answer or am unsure of it. Speaking of being unsure, how about that religion. Have you heard about that? Ok, so that was a bad stand-up comedy intro, but I just did it. I've been in a questioning stage about faith and religion for about 2 years now. I still consider myself a Christian, because I believe in the Jesus of the gospels. But it's hard for me to see exactly how faith should be. I think too many people have turned what Jesus started into an institution where you go to feel good about yourself because you worship the right God and you do what you think that you're supposed to do. In other words, I think Christianity has become simply a social club that people use to boost their self-esteem. If you go to enough services and pray enough and shove your idea of religion down other people's throats without regard to how they feel, you are a "strong Christian". It's hard to see much good about it when the central agency that's supposed to stand for good and morality doesn't seem to care about people anymore. I feel like all that churches are interested in today is condemning people for being different and then guilting these "bad people" into seeing things the church's way. I don't want to be a part of any such club. I believe in the commandments that Jesus himself said were most important: to love God and love your neighbor. And I think that a case can be made for those statements being equal actions; I think that you can love God by loving your neighbor. I feel like one honors God when they help someone who needs help. I could be wrong on that, but it's what I feel is right. No one cares about their fellow human-being anymore. They just care about the spiritual "high" they get at a worship-service. I don't buy into that, and if that's all Christianity is going to be, something people participate in to feel good about themselves and they only do it for themselves, I don't want to be part of that. I think that something has gone wrong, and I often wonder if Jesus would be disappointed at the way things have become. Anyway, I've been jumping from topic to topic and what I really need to do is go to bed. I have to be up in 4.5 hours, and I'm probably gonna be pretty grumpy. We'll see how tomorrow goes.