Stairway to Grown-Up World (not Heaven)

If anyone actually still reads these (other than Olivia, my one faithful reader, even though she probably already knows everything that's gonna be in here before she reads it, lol), here's what's going on in my life.

So I took my first steps today entering into the grown-up world. They may seem insignificant to anyone else, but I feel like it's a big deal. I'm talking about apartment hunting. Now maybe I only sat in front of my computer and looked at Rent.com for 15 minutes, but I still feel like that's a big step towards becoming an adult. It made me feel adult, anyway. Although maybe it didn't, because according to all of the signs we saw on the way down to Florida on Spring Break, "adult" only refers to the dirty sex shops that you see along the interstate. See I'm not talking about dirty interstate sex-shop adult, I'm talking about 9-5-no-more-homework-live-on-my-own adult. There's quite the difference there. So my plan thus far has been come graduation (on May 10th), I will move back home for a little while, work at my summer job that I've had since summer 2005 (Jay-Randolph Developmental Services where I work with young men who have physical and mental disabilities) for a month or two, and then move to Indianapolis for the rest of the time until I would go to grad school in the fall of 2009. Why Indy, you ask? Well, because I like to think that there will be more opportunities to find a job in a city of almost 800,000 people rather than in Smallville (Winchester) with a gigantic population of about 5,000. Also, maybe I'm just out to prove to myself that I can survive on my own. Granted, I'm sure I won't be entirely financially independent, as I will have to start paying off my student loans until I enroll in grad school. Also, my grandparents and cousin will probably be right around where I end up living, so help won't be too far away. But in a way, I'll feel like I'm on my own. This adult world is a scary place. You have to do things like maintain a budget, pay rent, go to work at the same time everyday, go to bed at a decent hour, and (shudder) do your own taxes. But I guess it won't be so bad. I'll only live in the Grown-Up World for a little under a year (if all goes according to plan), and then I'll be whisked back to the magical world of higher learning, where I can hide in Academia and not actually grow up, as I told a friend recently. But maybe, just maybe, I can be ready for Grown-Up World, if only for a little while.

Insomnia

So I'm not sure why this is happening or what I can do to stop it, but I can't sleep. I've been sleep problems for a few months now, but in the last few days I've discovered that even when I am physically and mentally exhausted I cannot lay down and go to sleep. This past Monday I only got 2 hours of sleep that morning. I thought for sure that in the break between my 9am and 2pm class that I would be able to take a nap like I usually do. Nothing. I laid down, and I just couldn't fall asleep, even though I was exhausted. Then that night (last night) I felt sure that I would be able to go to bed and sleep for a while. I laid down at 11pm and tried to go to sleep, only having had 2 hours of sleep before. Still nothing. I laid in bed for probably an hour and a half before I got up and read some and played a computer game. I then feel asleep around 2:30am. I don't know what's wrong with me. Even now, when I had about 5 hours of sleep last night, you would think I would be so tired that I would just go to sleep. But that's not happening. Whatever is going, I am fated not to go to dreamland, at least not for very long. Maybe I should become a nocturnal crime-fighter like Batman. At least then I'd have something to do with the time during which I couldn't sleep. But I'm out of shape and I have no money to buy expensive Bat-planes and such, so that probably a no-go on the Bat-idea. Oh well. I'll figure something out.

How Can I Make a Difference?

Tonight I watched Tears of the Sun, a movie that I recently purchased out of the $5 bin at Wal-Mart. I knew that I had seen it before, in high school, but I really bought it because it was $5 dollars and Bruce Willis is in it. Mr. Willis is one of my favorite actors, probably because most often he plays someone that we can all identify with: someone who doesn't go looking for the choice but is ultimately made to make a difficult decision between right and wrong. Even though his characters want to do the right thing, they always have baggage attached that makes it difficult for them to make the choice. Back to Tears of the Sun. I watched the movie, and remembered watching it the first time. It's a good movie overall, but very intense. It's a movie about a Navy SEAL team that gets sent into war-torn Africa to extract some U.S. citizens before a rebel group comes across their path. Bruce Willis' character eventually makes the decision to bring along the natives under one of the U.S. doctor's care, even though that will hinder them in their efforts to make a rendezvous point. The movie brings up a lot of good moral questions. What do you do when you know the right thing to do but someone in authority tells you that it doesn't matter? Also, when is it ok to think about yourself rather than other people? These are both tough questions, and there is a different answer for every person. However those questions aren't what I thought about, for the most part, during the movie. It was more about Africa, and the state it is in today. I've seen many movies and documentaries about how bad it is in Africa. Granted, movies are made for entertainment, and documentaries are made with a specific agenda in mind. But both do also have the agenda of education and activism, even if those goals are secondary. I think about The Invisible Children documentary that I saw at Harlaxton; I think about Blood Diamond; now Tears of the Sun can be added to this list. These films all made me consider what it must be like to live in a situation where there is no stable government, and everyday you take your life into your own hands, not knowing if you will live to the next day. I can't imagine how scary that must be. I sit here in my college dorm room with all of my food and books and movie and electronics, typing this on my own personal laptop, and what troubles do I really have? Term papers coming up that I'm not prepared for. A disease that makes it so I can't eat most grains without screwing up my intestines. Do I really have the right to complain about anything? I have a family who loves me, a wonderful girlfriend who is the love of my life, great friends; I can afford to go into debt to go to college and receive an education that not all people have the opportunity for; I have all of these things, and I am grateful. In having these things, I have what most people in the world probably don't. It makes me feel guilty, that I basically live a life free of want and violence, and I want to do something about the people who don't have anything remotely similar. I don't know exactly what I can do, or through what avenue, but I want to do something. If our government wasn't so busy fighting wars over matters that are shady at best, maybe they could offer some aid to these people. But at this time the aid for the most part has to come from individual groups. Don't get me wrong, I know that the government does do some things, like trying to help with AIDS relief and providing food and medication sometimes, but it could do so much more. People argue, shouldn't we take care of things at home before we try and do anything abroad? I think it's a little late for that. We've gotten our hands into so many situations world-wide that there is no way we could become isolationist again and solely tend to our own matters. Like it or not, we are an actor on the global stage. And rather than fighting wars that we have no business being in, why not wage a war on terror on all fronts? Why is it that only Islamic extremists are terrorists? Military leaders in "backwards" nations overthrowing the government and committing genocide apparently don't rate on the terror- scale. This country needs to take a new direction in how it operates concerning global-affairs. If we don't step in and do something in the name of human rights, we're going to be too late for even a "post-emptive" strike. If we start this as individuals, those governing will have to follow. I'll be the first to admit that I have no idea what to do, but I have the ambition to do something. I want to make the world a better place, in whatever way that I can. Now to just figure out how............

What's Wrong with Me?

So I've been feeling really crappy here lately, off and on basically since school started. I've been sick off and on, and I've never been like this before. It seems like it all started happening after I was diagnosed with Celiac disease, but I don't exactly know how there could be a connection to the two events, as theoretically I've always had Celiac disease, and being diagnosed just meant that now I know that I have it. This school year I've had a few colds, which I don't normally get. I also had a case of shingles about 2 months ago, which surprised the school nurse because apparently young people don't usually get that unless their immune system is really over-taxed. Looks like my immune system is working overtime and failing. I also have trouble getting enough sleep, but not in the usual way. I can sleep for 10 hours straight and still wake up feeling tired. I've also been told that I grind my teeth when I sleep, so I am apparently stressed. Well, the culmination of all of this came on Monday when I went to the health center here at school. I thought that maybe I had mono, and so I asked if I could get the test for it. I was told that I would have to come back later when one of the nurse-practitioners would be available. When I came back and saw said-nurse she said that she didn't think I had mono, but wanted me to get tested for anemia and possibly thyroid problems. She said that perhaps that Celiac had led to anemia, because basically when someone with Celiac eats products with gluten in them, the gluten wears down the villi that normally absorb nutrients and such in the intestines. Thus anemia can follow because if the villi are worn down enough, iron among other things can't be absorbed. So later that night I went and got 3 vials of blood taken to be tested for mono, anemia, and thyroid problems. I'm still waiting on the tests to come back, but I almost don't want to know the answer. It seems like every month some new problem comes up. I feel like I'm falling apart. I used to not get sick, but now I'm sick and not feeling up to par a lot. It's like I've finally discovered my Kryptonite.

Boo School

As I'm sitting here writing this I should instead be writing a paper about a Greek poem. However, I have been entering each indidivual Greek letter for my notes over the poem by hand using the "Insert Symbol" function of Microsoft Word and I am quickly tiring of it. This paper is going to take forever at this rate. I'm very ready for Thanksgiving Break, and even more ready for the semester to be over. I'm so tired of my classes that it's hard to care anymore. And therein lies the problem, because the semester isn't quite over yet, and the important stuff is what I have to hang in there for. I should probably care more about papers and final exams. That might come back to bite me. On a seperate note, I am probably going to get a Microsoft Zune for Christmas. I have been an iPod user for 2 or 3 years now, and it's not that I'm disatisfied, I just feel like the new Zunes are better than the iPod. Granted, they look better on paper, and I suppose that I will just have to actually try the Zune to evaluate its superiority. But after much research I have come to the conclusion that I would like the Zune better. It has a bigger screen than the iPod, it has a wireless sync function so that you don't actually have to plug it into your computer to sync your music, it has a radio built in which isn't a necessary feature but I think it will come in handy, and basically has all the same features as an iPod otherwise. So after having used it for a little while I can give a better evaluation of its performance, but that won't be until after Christmas obviously. Here's hoping that I'm right on this one. Well, that's all the random thoughts that I have for now, it's off to more Greek paper writing. I just need to survive until Tuesday after 2:30, which is when I get to GO HOME FOR THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why The World Doesn't Need Superman

I wrote this a while back, in January I think. At the time I couldn't post to Blogger because of technical difficulties. Now I can, and so I will.

I know that most anyone who knows me will wonder at the title of this blog entry. You'll say to yourself, "But Superman is Tyler's favorite superhero, why would he write that?" Well, I have very good reasons, but rest assured, Superman still remains my favorite superhero. I was watching Superman Returns recently, and an idea came to me from Lois Lane’s Pulitzer-winning article from the movie, the title I took for this blog entry (I hope I don’t get sued). I use the title more for its real-life application than from an affinity (or lack-thereof) for a fictional being. I've been thinking a lot lately about the status of the world in general. Things don't look good, almost across the board. There are famines, droughts, floods, and other natural disasters that impoverish people and lead to some of the worst living conditions that one could imagine. On top of that, man-made disasters such as war inflict their damage on the world. Part of where all of this came from was from seeing two films, one educational in nature, the other only partly so. The two films that I am referring to are Invisible Children and Blood Diamond. Both films give a perspective of war-torn Africa, and though there is some over-lap, they deal with slightly different material. Invisible Children I saw at Harlaxton, and it made me think about how bad things are in Africa. It was a documentary that told the story of how children are essentially stolen and then brain-washed by rebel factions into becoming mindless killing-machines. That's hard to fathom, children with guns, killing people? How terrible does that sound? The motive behind these groups is greed in the face of poverty. The areas where this takes place are areas that are severely impoverished, and these rebel groups seek to bring themselves above the status quo by overthrowing the government and taking whatever they want. Blood Diamond I saw recently in theaters, and though it was a movie made to bring in a profit, it also had a message about Africa. It talked about the diamond-mining that funds the same rebel armies who are attempting to over-throw the government in order to instate their own autocracy on the impoverished people. The diamonds would be slipped into the world markets, and no one would know the difference. Now bills have been passed so that these conflict-diamonds can be more traceable, and thus when diamonds are bought around the world, more often than not it can be ascertained where it came from, so as not to indirectly fund these rebel groups; the buyer simply has to ask. Blood Diamond also touched on the subject of the child-soldiers, even going so far as to show a scene in which a boy has been so brain-washed that he is willing to kill his own father before the father talks him down and reminds him of who he really is. I couldn’t imagine anything like that. Blood Diamond also takes a pessimistic/cynical view when the main character says that organizations such as the Peace Corps don’t really do anything. They come in and attempt to do something until they realize that the problem is well above their means, and thus they pack up and leave, feeling defeated. I don’t know how truthful this is, but it sure is disheartening. It makes you feel like if they can’t do anything, how can I? I wish that something could be done about these problems, immediately-speaking. We see on the news everyday that more and more people are killed every day in suicide-bombings and other terrorism-related events. More troops and civilians die every day in Iraq, and it seems that we are no closer to the goal of a democratic Iraq run by its own people than we were four years ago. People in under-developed Latin American countries drink water that is mixed with sewage because they have no way to purify it. We drink bottled water by the gallon and think nothing of it. I’m just as guilty as the rest. Here in America and other places of relative wealth, we’ve become apathetic to the needs of those less fortunate. We are too busy doing nothing here in our own country, bickering about the trivial yet apparently paramount differences between Liberals and Conservatives. Even here the less-fortunate are many times no better off, they just happen to live in a better place, and still we do nothing. Everyone seems to be occupied with getting the most out of life for themselves. That’s not to say that there are not good people out there, it’s just more often than not selfishness is easier than going out of your way to help someone. Again, I’m just as guilty as the next person. Everywhere you look you can see disaster and misfortune. However unlike a comic book, we can’t just look up in the sky and wait for a man in tights and a cape to swoop down and save us. Superheroes are great for escapism, to imagine that there are people who could move mountains and travel faster than a speeding bullet. And then these characters use their powers to fight for humanity, for truth, and for justice. We even imagine to ourselves, “If only I had those sorts of powers. What a difference I could make. Then I could change the world." But I think therein lies the problem. We see ourselves as a single person. We can’t fly on our own, nor can we lift buildings, or hear things miles away. We only see our own shortcomings as humans, as a single entity in a world of billions. But one person can’t do everything. Even Superman, if he were a real being, could not do everything to get rid of evil and need. The world doesn’t need Superman; what the world needs are super-men and super-women. Realistically there are no superheroes to speak of. No Spider-Man, or Batman, or Wonder Woman, or Wolverine, or Captain Marvel; these beings simply don’t exist. However that doesn’t mean that there are no heroes. Ordinary men and women can rise above themselves and reach out to help others, in essence becoming heroes; no super-powers are needed. As Aunt May said in Spider-Man 2, “I believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble…" We don’t need to be bitten by a radioactive spider in order to make a difference in the world; we just have to want to make a difference, and do our best to do what we can. One person can make a difference, but the more people that there are to help get to that goal, the quicker that that vision can become a reality, for all humankind. So after looking up in the sky and realizing that the object is just a bird, or just a plane, then we must look to ourselves, and find the Superman or Superwoman that is inside each of us, waiting to save the day.

Energy Levels Dropping

So everyone has those days where they can't muster the energy to do anything productive. I've been in that funk for a few weeks now. I guess I'm just not wanting to do much. I think that negatively reflects on my abilities, but it's hard to do anything when you don't have the motivation. Maybe it's my sleep schedule. I'll sleep a lot one day and then little the next. That's probably not good. I just feel tired all of the time and I don't want to do anything. So I don't. And then I get behind on things. Then I have to crawl back out of the mess and get things accomplished. It's a vicious cycle and I need to do something about it. But again, that takes motivation, so I suppose I need to motivate myself to get motivated. Try that paradox out for size. I got an unexpected honor this past Sunday. In my mailbox I found a letter from the foreign languages department. Apparently I was nominated by my Greek professor Dr. Ware to be inducted into a language national honor society, Phi Sigma Iota. I would pay an initiation fee and from then on I would pay a yearly-membership, and it'll look very good on resumes. Plus, I'll have connections for the future. So that was exciting. Otherwise, nothing much to report. Possible updates later on whether or not I can crawl out of this unmotivated funk.