Recent Movie/TV Show Reviews

     I haven't done a blog post in a long while, obviously. I've seen quite a few movies lately and started a TV show so I wanted to let everyone know what my thoughts were on these viewing experiences. Prepare to be wowed and overcome with emotion at my very wise and poignant observations. I've got IMDb links scattered throughout in case you want to check out the movie, actors, etc. in more depth.

     The first movie up is Spring Breakers. Stacey and I saw this a few weeks ago because we were both curious as to how the two Disney stars were going to make the transition into more adult movies (no, not what you're thinking, but I can't come up with a better phrase). Overall the movie was just ok. There was a good message underlying the whole thing. At the end of the movie I think two of the main characters realized that the party lifestyle wasn't all it's cracked up to be and that they needed to grow up more, stop being selfish and be good to people. At least I think it was there. It's what I got out of the movie, if that's not what the director intended then maybe I'm reading too much into it. Anyway this message (if it did indeed exist) was overshadowed by the over the top nature of movie. There was so much violence, sex, nudity, and alcohol/drug use that was really unnecessary. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude and I think these things have their place when they serve the story. I also realize that a lot of this was part of the story, showing that these were hard-partying college students who also get into crime later on. However after awhile it was just unnecessary to keep showing these things. We get it already, you don't need to keep reminding us. So like I said, overall it was just an ok movie. We were glad we caught the matinee.

     We watched the movie Flight on DVD which Stacey got through Netflix. I was very interested to see it when it was in theaters but I didn't get the chance. I always like Denzel Washington and Robert Zemeckis, the director, has given us such classics as the Back to the Future trilogy, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Forrest Gump and Castaway (also about ten thousand CG motion capture movies which I haven't seen). Flight was very very good. The basic story is that Denzel Washington is a pilot who (sort-of mostly) lands a plane in a field after the plane starts an uncontrollable descent. Because of his smart maneuvering only six people died. This is tragic, of course, but had he not tried what he did and succeeded everyone probably would've died instead of just six people. He is hailed as a hero until it comes out that he was drunk and high while flying the plane. We follow Denzel through the rest of the movie as he fights his addictions while simultaneously pushing away anyone who cares about him and wants to help. It's heartbreaking because you want him to succeed in battling his demons even though time after time he fails and succumbs to drugs and drinking. I would definitely recommend Flight, it's a very powerful and well-acted story.

     This past weekend we went to see the Evil Dead remake. I was excited to see it because I love the original Bruce Campbell/Sam Raimi series. However I knew this would be different. When Sam Raimi made the first Evil Dead he had intended it to be a straight-forward horror film about five college-age friends who go to an abandoned cabin and inadvertently release Sumerian (I think they were Sumerian, at least) demons that then possess and kill the friends one by one until the last one is left to battle the Deadites (as they later became known in Army of Darkness). However the budget was so limited and the acting was so cheesy that it came across as a horror/comedy hybrid. It became such a cult hit that when they did the sequel, they dropped all pretense of trying to be serious and made it an over the top comedy/horror movie on purpose this time. This new Evil Dead remake was going to stay in the same vein as the original, except this time they would have the budget to do the special effects as realistically as possible (well, when we're talking about talking about fantastical horror that's a tall order) to make it just a horror film. I was kind of excited to see how this would play out, but a little bummed that there wouldn't be any comedy elements like the original series. The movie follows the same basic premise of the original Evil Dead. There are minor differences here and there, but it's mostly the same story. One of the big deviations is that there is no central hero in the story like Bruce Campbell's Ash in the original. One of the characters has some of the same characteristics of Ash in the role that they eventually play, but the circumstances are very different. If all that sounds very vague it's because I'm avoiding spoilers here. Also in that same vein the ending is very different from the original, but again, no info on that to avoid spoilers. Overall I liked it. I still like the original series better, but that's because I'm not a very big fan of horror movies in general. I mostly like horror when it is joined with another genre, ie Shaun of the Dead (horror/comedy) or John Carpenter's The Thing (horror/sci-fi). The other times I like horror-type movies is when they are within the zombie or monster movie sub-genres (if those aren't really sub-genres then they are now). Otherwise I steer clear of the torture-porn/demon-possession/haunting/thriller horror movies that are common today.

     In connection with the Evil Dead I recently watched Re-Animator on Amazon Prime. In doing research for the history of Evil Dead, Wikipedia mentioned that there had been a comic book crossover between the Evil Dead and Re-Animator. I had put Re-Animator on my watchlist for Amazon Prime a while back because I had heard it was a very good zombie/horror movie. Then when I read that it was similar to Evil Dead and that it was based on a story by H.P. Lovecraft I really wanted to see it. Full disclosure, I haven't actually read anything by Lovecraft but what I have read about him and his stories has been fascinating. I have an anthology of his best known work sitting on my bookshelf, but it hasn't been opened yet, though I hope to change that in the future. So I watched the movie and it was deliciously 80's-tastic. I can see the comparisons to the Evil Dead, because the special effects are very very dated by today's standards, and the acting is barely believable. It seems like it could've been along the same lines as the original Evil Dead, where they set out to make a horror movie but due to budget constraints and limited acting range it came across as humorous, whether intended or not. It basically come across as a very fun, campy, zombie movie. It's not necessarily a traditional zombie movie, but the dead do come back to life, albeit without a taste for human flesh and/or brains. I enjoyed it quite a bit and would recommend it to anyone who likes zombie movies and over the top 80's movies.

     The last thing on my list is a TV show. Stacey had borrowed the DVD set of the first season of Girls from a friend. Girls is a new show on HBO about, yes, you guessed it, girls. It follows four early to mid-twenty-somethings as they live their lives in New York City. They all have the requisite identity and social issues and we watch them try to deal with all of these issues each episode. That may sound jaded and dismissive of me, implying that these aren't serious/important things. On the contrary these are very serious issues that I'm sure every young woman goes through (I can't really speak to this since I am not a female, nor do I play one on TV) but I feel like shows/movies focusing on these topics have been played out. Of course you can call bullshit because I watch comic book and action movies where basically the same thing happens in every movie, but those movies are where my interests are, so it's more entertaining to me. I don't necessarily dislike the show, but it's not something I'm going to go out of my way to watch either. The thing that I don't really like about it is the same thing that rubbed me the wrong way when I watched a few episodes of The West Wing: no one talks the way characters on these shows talk and no one is that quippy in real life. It's like the show is trying too hard to seem smart and savvy and appeal to a certain demographic (apparently New York hipsters, in the case of Girls). I realize that many people swear by The West Wing, and probably the same for Girls. Again, I don't dislike either of these shows, but they're just not shows that I can personally identify with or get into. I'm sure they are good at what they are trying to do, but I'm not interested in what they are trying to do.

     Hopefully you enjoyed my insights (I can call them that, right?) into the recent movies and solitary new TV show I've seen within the past few weeks. That's it. I'm out, until next time.

Can you see the real me?

So here I am again. Same old, same old. Filled with self-doubt, wondering what direction I should take. Trying to make any decision whatsoever about what direction my life will go in, personally, financially, academically, career-wise, everything. It's been about 3 years since I graduated from college, and for that time I feel like I've been living on hold. I haven't moved forward, nor backward. I've just been running through the motions, living day-to-day and ignoring (or rather, hiding from) the big picture. I'm terrified of the future because I don't know what form it will take. I don't know where I'll be, what I'll be doing, who will be there with me. To me, uncertainty is the most maddening thing I can think of and that's because you have no possible way to control it. As I've said before I feel frozen, not being able to move forward because I'm terrified I'll make the wrong decision, terrified that I'll fail at something. I'm trying to work through these problems, and friends both new and old have been helping, but it ultimately comes down to me. I have to take control. I have to live my life, not just be a spectator to it. It's not easy to go froward, but going backward is not an option. I've got to figure out what I'm passionate about, what makes me tick, and what's going to make me want to get up in the morning 20 years down the road. Again, I know I'm the only person who can decide this. It's up to me to set a course for the future, one that isn't in some nebulous gray area. I've got to find happiness, in whatever form that takes.

The title comes from the song The Real Me by The Who from their album Quadrophenia. The album is one I really identify with because the main character is a young man who isn't necessarily sure who he is or what he wants to do. In The Real Me he goes around to different people (a psychiatrist, his mother, a former romantic interest, and a preacher) asking them if they see the real him. They apparently don't. He doesn't get any really clarity of who he is until the last song when in the middle of a storm at sea he has an epiphany: through this search he's grown and become what he was looking for; he was himself all along. Hopefully I'll have a similar epiphany, when the time is right, and when I've grown up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dlN55SoF4Q

I went back to the doctor
To get another shrink
I sit and tell him about my weekend
But he never betrays what he thinks

Can you see the real me doctor, doctor
Can you see the real me doctor, whoa doctor

I went back to my mother
I said, "I'm crazy, ma, help me"
She said, "I know how it feels son
'Cause it runs in the family"

Can you see the real me, mother, mother
Can you see the real me, mother, ooh mother
Can you see, can you see, can you see the real me
Can you see, can you see the real me, the real me, the real me

The cracks between the paving stones
Look like rivers of flowing veins
Strange people who know me
Peeping from behind every window pane

The girl I used to love
Lives in this yellow house
Yesterday she passed me by
She doesn't want to know me now

Can you see the real me, can you, can you
Can you see the real me, can you, whoa yeah

I ended up with a preacher
Full of lies and hate
I seemed to scare him a little
So he showed me to the golden gate

Can you see the real me preacher, preacher
Can you see the real me preacher
Can you see, can you see, can you see, oh
Can you see the real me doctor
Can you see the real me mother 

Can you see the real me me me me me me me me me me me      

Froyo so far

Most of you out there won't care about this but for those of you with Android phones I wanted to give my first impression of Froyo (Android 2.2) so far. The main feature that was touted (at least in the news sources I was reading) was the speed improvement. I can say that this is definitely true. I notice things going faster, apps opening faster, scrolling happens faster, etc. It's not mind-blowingly faster but I do notice a pronounced difference. Then there's the Flash 10.1 support (or lack thereof). Android 2.2 does come with Flash support, however you can't actually download it from the market which will probably have a lot of people confused. I know I was at first. Then I remembered a post from a few weeks ago on droid-life.com (probably the best Droid-specific site out there) that there was a developer's release you could download. So I did that and presto-chango, I had Flash on my phone. It is a neat feature but not one I'll probably use all that often. It's just nice that I have the option to use it (Steve Jobs would not approve). Chrome-to-phone is another neat feature. If you have the app installed on your phone and the extension installed on the Google Chrome browser you can send webpages or maps straight to your phone and the corresponding app will open. Good idea if you're looking up directions on your computer right before you need to leave. There are little UI tweaks here and there but for the most part everything looks the same. I did notice that Arabic charcters display properly now. This means that even though I have no idea what they mean, I can see the title's of Olivia's photo albums on Facebook on my phone now. Another feature I haven't really messed with is the app-to-sd where you can install and/or move apps to the SD card rather than having everything installed on the onboard memory, hogging the little space there is to begin with. Those are my thoughts so far. Supposedly there's another update coming in the very near future to possibly fix some bugs already but everything's only a rumor at this point. As I said earlier, droid-life.com is an amazing resource for anyone who has a phone in the Droid family. Over and out.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.4.9

My Wake-up Call

Do you ever have one of this epiphanies where something seemingly heavy (not weight-wise) but painfully obvious gets dropped on you? I had one of those moments. I realized it's time for me to grow up. Maybe most people realize this earlier in their lives or maybe this is normal, I don't know. I only have my own experiences to go off of. But I now understand that I need to be better prepared to deal with the future and that means it's time to make more responsible choices and get myself into a better position to do the things I want in life.

Not that I'm a particularly irresponsible person. I just have to better prepare myself for what I can do in the future. I need to believe in myself. I know a lot of people do and that's comforting to a certain extent, but that only goes so far. If I don't believe in myself and my capabilities, I'm not going to get anywhere. For a long time I've been crippled by self-doubt. I think it started when I graduated from college. When you start school in kindergarten you have a clear path. Go grade by grade until your senior year and then you graduate. Then you either find a job, join the armed forces or go to college. Many people end up going to college because anymore that's what is expected of you, even if you have no desire. Now I'm not one of those people, I did very much want to go to college; but I think that there are people who don't want to go and do anyway because of societal norms. These people don't belong in college and that's not because they're not smart enough, but it's because they don't want to be there. It's going to be a waste of time for them because even if they are capable, they won't gain much from it if their heart's not in it. That's mostly a tangent and doesn't have a lot of bearing on what I'm writing about but I thought I would put in my $0.02. I went through college, chose a major, changed things around, added another major and then BAM, I graduated. Had I thought about the practical applications of my major(s)? Only very little. This was my fault entirely, my professors had given me ample opportunities to explore the options for the future but I had never really been sure that archaeology/classical studies was what I wanted to do. I in no way regret the work I did in college. I enjoyed all of my classes and professors very much and I learned a lot. But I had no clear career path.

So here I am after graduation and I have nothing lined up. Up until that point my entire life had been one long string of events all connected together, one stage following the next in a logical progression. I always knew what was going to happen next. Now that progression had been broken. And that's when I lost confidence in myself. What do I do now? I've always known what was next before, but now everything's hazy? What am I supposed to do? I began to second guess what I was capable of, what I could be good at, what I should be doing. When you're not sure what your direction in life is it's a very unnerving depressing thing. In the movie Unbreakable Samuel L. Jackson's character tells Bruce Willis: "Do you know what the scariest thing is? To not know your place in this world, to not know why you're here." My sentiments exactly. Of course, Sammy L. (as my good friend Evan likes to call him) goes on to explain that he basically became a super-villain and committed quite a few terrorist acts to draw out someone who was his opposite so he would know who he was. I don't think I'm really the type to go Lex Luthor so no one reading this needs to worry that I'll come up with a secret lab somewhere in which I come up with dastardly deeds against humanity. Besides, I'm not very good at building giant robots or chemistry so my career in super-villainy is very limited. But in all seriousness, when you don't really know what your purpose is it's a scary thing.

My response has been less than admirable and very counter-productive. I've basically shut down. I doubt myself so much that I don't want to try anything new. I don't want to change anything because the evil (or stagnation, in this case) that you know is better than the evil that you don't know. When I look back over the way I've been it's pathetic, really. But I've never bothered to change. I've let down people that I love and I've just not been myself for a long time. But that's going to change. I'm tired of making excuses. I'm tired of wallowing in self-doubt and self-pity. I'm tired of not feeling like myself. I'm tired of not knowing. I'm not getting any younger so it's now or never. I've got more than myself to think about. This is it, this is when I've got to separate who I've been from who I can be. To the people I care about who've never left, thanks for sticking around. I love you all and thanks for doing the same.

My favorite song for a while now has been Baba O'Riley by the greatest band to ever play music, The Who. After listening to it time and time again I realized the third verse is very pertinent to what I'm trying to get across. I take it to mean the narrator is leaving behind the things he's comfortable with in order to move on to better things before it's too late. I don't know if that's what Pete Townshend intended when he wrote those lyrics but that's what I'm taking from them. I'll print those lyrics below but the entire song is amazing and I get chills every time I hear the intro. Check out the song here.

Sally, take my hand
We'll travel south 'cross land
Put out the fire
And don't look past my shoulder.

The exodus is here
The happy ones are near
Let's get together

Before we get much older.

Confessions of a former telemarketer, Education, and Marriage

It's been quite a long time since I've written one of these. It's not easy to keep up with one of these as I can attest to from experience. Originally I had started this blog to write about my experiences travelling abroad during the fall semester of 2006. That's been almost 4 years ago and I haven't written too much since then. I can't say that this is me turning over a new leaf because I just happened to have the drive to write something today. I don't know if this is going to be a regular occurrence but I suppose I'll make an effort.

One of the main reasons I'm writing this is because there have been a lot of changes in my life as of late, mostly good ones. I've switched jobs a few times and now live in Oxford, Ohio for the time being. I'm going back to school to get into the information technology field as it's something I've always been interested in for as long as I can remember. Also I now have a lovely wife as of June 19th, Olivia Mote. More on all of these tonight at 6!

No but really, things have been up and down for a while. Ever since I graduated I was doing jobs that I didn't really care for. Most recently I basically worked as a telemarketer. Talk about walking in someone else's shoes. That was quite the experience. I was talking to people who already had Discover cards about adding Discover's identity theft protection coverage. Having done that I can say that it's a very good idea for people to have identity theft protection. The facts we were given to talk to people about identity theft were of course mostly used as scare tactics but they were facts nonetheless. Millions of people are affected by identity theft every day and it takes a lot to get yourself out of a mess like that. Not all companies are fair and forthcoming about what their coverage actually entails so you really have to do your research in order to get the best product. With that being said I think identity theft protection is something you have to make a decision about yourself. I can understand people not wanting to get it. They think that it won't happen to them and thus they don't need to pay the money for the service. That's probably true for most people, but the way I look at it car insurance is the same way. You never know if something is going to happen to your vehicle so most people get it covered just in case. It can't hurt. Anyway, like I said I think people should be able to make an informed decision about what kind of coverage they do or don't want and over the phone is not a good medium for that. As a reformed (haha) telemarketer, I can tell you that probably 75% of the people who call you don't want to be calling you. They have to. Likewise the people who are pushy on the phone probably aren't really pushy people; most companies have sales quotas you have to meet and when you're not meeting those numbers you are forced to try other measures. It's not a good business to be in if you are empathetic whatsoever. I'm glad that chapter in my life was as short as it was.

As I said earlier I'm now going back to school for some sort of degree(s) in the IT field. As my family and friends can attest, from a very early age I've been fascinated by technology. We got our first computer when i was in fourth grade, I believe, and I've been on one ever since. I'm always reading about new technology in my free time and I'm always eager to use the newest gizmos and gadgets when I have the finances for them. The degree I'm going for right now is a certificate in PC Support and Administration at Ivy Tech in Richmond, Indiana. Olivia (more on her later) is getting a master's degree in comparative religions focusing on Islam a Miami University here in Oxford. She's already got one year behind her so she'll be done next summer. I just started my degree this summer and so unfortunately I won't have time to complete an associate's degree. So right now I'm doing this certificate, maybe adding another since I'll probably have time for that. Then when we go to wherever Olivia will get further schooling (possibly a Ph.D in Islam, more likely a Ph.D in political science or a law degree), I will enroll either at the same school or somewhere close and get a bachelor's degree in computer science, with my Ivy Tech credits hopefully transferring. When I'm done I hope to work in an IT department either for a business or for a school.

The last (not in importance, though) big thing has been getting married to my best friend of 7 years. Olivia and I got married on June 19th at the Horizon Convention Center in Muncie, Indiana. It really was amazing, having many of my closest family and friends all together to witness the special occasion. I'm so lucky to have Olivia and I'm really looking forward to going through life with her. I think she feels the same way but I can't be sure because a week after we got married she fled the country to go to Beirut, Lebanon to take an intensive 6-week course in Arabic for the rest of the summer. At least that's what she told me she was doing. She most likely is doing some solo globe-trotting with the educational cover-story. She gets to do that while I'm here at home being slowly eaten to death by Ruby, the now 7-month old Yorkshire Terrier/Shih-Tzu mix Olivia got in January. I feel as though I've been tricked.........

So that's the update for now. Like I said, lots of new and exciting things. Stay-tuned for more possible updates, possibly even in the near future! It's possible! (This message brought to you by the abstract idea possible).

When I grow up, I want to be...........

There's an interesting phenomenon that I've just recently thought about. Ask a kid, any kid, under the age of 10, what they want to be when they grow up and they'll have an immediate answer. Fireman, policeman, rock star, president, professional athlete, astronaut, even exotic animals. It runs the whole gamut, from mundane to outlandish, but the thing is, they know exactly what they want to be. It may change from year to year, but these kids know what they want to be. Then growing up happens. You find out that it's not practical to be an astronaut, very few people become rock stars, and they're not just handing out superpowers at the local supermarket (if that isn't a misnomer, I don't know what is). You found out, probably as a teenager, that you have to grow up and be logical. I started out thinking I was logical. I loved history and I loved adventure, so why not become Indiana Jones? Of course, going into college I knew that I was not going to become a fedora-wearing whip-carrying archaeologist such as the movies depict, but I still thought I was being smart and playing to my interests to do something I would love. Then I think the tediousness and mostly little findings that go along with actual digging turned me off. I still loved history and learning about ancient cultures, but digging them up and piecing them together didn't appeal to me. So I went straight to the (written) source and decided to learn about the cultures through their texts. (We're not going to get into the history vs. archaeology debate, suffice it to say I think they're both very important). I learned Greek and Latin and loved it. But now I've graduated college, and what exactly am I supposed to do with my degrees? as evidenced earlier, I don't want to dig for a living. I also know that the market for classical studies professors is limited. This leaves me in a bit of a bind, because I'd like to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life. I did something that I was very interested in during my college years but now there are few practical applications for my degrees. So what do I do? I think I'd like to teach something, but what can I get into that will be not only fulfilling but also carry with it long-term job security? I'm trying to find out the answers to these questions and am not coming up with much. Life has been pretty well in a logical and well-formed order for the first 22 years of my life, and now I'm not sure where to go from here. I've got big decisions to make about my career future, and it only gets more difficult as time passes. In the meantime, I'll keep thinking. Maybe I'll get lucky and be exposed to radiation and become a full-time crime fighter. Or maybe not. Yeah I'll go with the probably not.

Does Anyone Read These?

I'm not very good about keeping up with blog posts and I wondered if anyone even read them anymore when I do post them. Let me know if you do. Seems kinda pointless otherwise.

What To Do About The State Of The World

So I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. This is a tough decision. Well actually a series of decisions. First of all I need to figure out what I'm doing after this summer. Sometime in August I hope to have a job and a place of my own, preferably in Indianapolis. I'd like to be out on my own, I miss the semi-autonomy of college life. The thing is, with crappy dial-up internet here at home I can only do so much job and apartment hunting when I sit and wait for 10 minutes for each page to load. That may be the epitome of frustration. I've recently discovered that Monster.com is a useful site, and so I will more fully utilize it when I get the opportunity. Then comes the even bigger question: what am I going to do with the rest of my life?
This is a question that has haunted me for the entirety of the summer. My undergraduate degrees were in classics and archaeology, neither of which are practical or conducive to living in anything better than a cardboard box. So the question becomes, what do I want to do if I don't want to do those things? I got interested in classics to begin with mainly because of Greek and Latin. I'm fascinated by languages. The cultures intrigue me as well, but the languages are my primary interest. All throughout high school I took Spanish and was pretty good at it according to my grades and comments from the teacher. That was the start of my love of languages. Most recently I started to learn German by taking entry-level classes my senior year but that attempt was marred by a high level of apathy known to most physicians as "senioritis", meaning literary the inflammation of the senior. Of course this disease has many symptoms such as skipping class, not doing homework, and just not caring. This very disease is to blame for my average performance in my endeavor to learn German. And even though it was hard to care about it, I was still interested in learning the basics of the language. All these examples make me wonder if maybe I should go into linguistics in grad school. I don't know what I would do with it, but it is a subject I really enjoy so maybe that's a start.
Another field I've been contemplating is history. I would want to deal with Greek and Roman history, which may very well still fall under the large umbrella of classics still. So maybe that does me no good, because one of the reasons that I want to get out of the classics field is because there isn't much of a job market in that, or so I've been told. I just want to find something that is interesting and that I enjoy doing, but can also make me money. Otherwise I'm just pursuing a hobby until a go too far and find out that I've gotten a degree and can't reallly do anything with it.
You might be wondering what the title of this blog has to do with anything. After all, I've really only been talking about my world, not the world at large. But I'm getting to that. Everyday I've been realizing more and more that the world is in a sorry state and needs help. Looking at the news even casually you see reports in any given country of political unrest, civil wars, famines, floods, earthquakes, illiteracy, poverty, rape, murder, genocide, and the list of humanity's struggles and evils could go on. Looking at all those things I want to do something, but I don't even know where to start. I wish that I could do something to right all of the wrongs in the world; however I realize that I am only one man with definite limitations. I can't single-handedly provide food for all of the hungry; I can't stop wars and spread peace on my own; I can't abolish poverty, nor can I erase the loss that comes with a natural disaster; again, I am only one man. But I want to do something, anything that I can to help anyone who is in need. I'm trying to discover just what I can do for humanity in my own way. When I look at how little some people have and what kinds of injustices many people have to live with, my own personal struggles seem to lessen in comparison, and I get a somber reminder that I have it better than most. And as Uncle Ben once told Peter Parker: "With great power comes great responsibilty." Which is why I want to do my part to help humanity. I just have to figure out what I can do and how I can help. That is my dilemma.

Good News For Obama Supporters Like Me

I'm very excited about how much closer to the nomination these 2 primaries put Obama. Both candidates have fought hard, and mostly admirably. But read this article and then try and tell me that Clinton does not sound more and more petty everyday. I'm an Obama supporter (if you couldn't tell from the title of this post), but all throughout this race I haven't entirely dismissed the possibility of voting for Clinton of she would happen to get the nomination. But after all of these primaries, the more and more I see about her makes me rethink that scenario. If nothing else, the issue of the Florida and Michigan delegates makes Clinton sound whiny and petty every time she brings it up. "Why aren't those states being seated?", she says. Because they broke the rules! They moved their primaries without the sanction of the Democratic National Party, but yet they expect to still get the thumbs up?! Clinton is grasping at straws at this point. She knows that she has very little chance of winning, and so she is trying to come up with whatever scheme she can in order to take the nomination by force rather than by electorate. That's a great precedent to set, letting people break the rules and get away with it if it helps her case. Granted I'm not saying Obama is perfect. He's got his baggage and faults just like she does. It's just that when I see the way Obama has carried himself all throughout this election, I see a more honorable candidate in him than in Clinton. I still have some respect for her, as she is probably better than McCain at this point, but still, her methods are questionable and I'm not sure if I would chose her as the next president. And that's my $0.02.

The Unexamined Life

unexamined, So here I am at the end of the year, these are the last few days in my undergraduate career. It is both a happy time and a bittersweet time. I'm happy because for almost a year I won't have to do anything academic, which I desperately need. I've discovered this semester that I just don't have the energy or desire to do much scholastically. I need this time to just get into the habit of a 9-to-5 or whatever kind of job I can find and be a worker-drone. So the end of papers and tests and studying (ha, as if that last one ever happened anyway) is a welcome one. It's the social part I'm going to miss. This past year and a half has been an interesting one. Ever since getting back from Harlaxton, it seems like there have been a lot of changes. I've gained new people in my life, and some of them have become the best friends I could ever ask for. Other friendships seem to have grown apart. People come and people go, but the important ones will always be around. I think that in essence my entire college career has been one big transformation for me. I came into college a backwards, shy, mild-mannered reporter, well, or maybe just the backwards and shy parts. I was a pretty strict conservative fundamentalist with regard to politics and religion. I never questioned what I believed in, I just believed what I thought that I was supposed to. But throughout these past few years I've been challenged to examine my life, questioning what I believe in and why. I think it's an interesting coincidence, but I was thinking about something the other day. I started college reading Plato's Apology as the second book in the reading list of World Cultures. One of Socrates' most famous quotes from that work is that the unexamined life is not worth living. Now here at the end of college we translated the Apology in Greek class, and thus I revisited that same quote. When I came into college I wasn't true to that motto. My life was thoroughly unexamined and I didn't much think about it. But here at the end, there's been a great amount of examination, and I think that I'm a different person than I was when I first read those words. When I came to college, politics and religion were connected for me. I was a Republican because that's what my church told me to be, somewhat indirectly. I've gone through lots of changes, however. First on the chopping block was religion. I'm not exactly what you would call a religious person anymore. I believe that there's a God, I believe that Jesus was a good teacher, in the same vein as Socrates, but there are a lot of questions that I don't feel are adequately answered through that route. Now I'm more interested in actually helping people, not just praying for them and hoping that their problems go away. I'm not saying that religion isn't authentic for some people, I think it can be. But not for me. Maybe that makes me a heretic, but I'm willing to do the best that I can to be a good person and help my fellow human beings and then leave things up to God. My politics was then the next thing to change. As I said before I was a Republican because that's what my church told me to be. I'm not saying that all Republicans are religious nuts, that would be an untrue extreme over-generalization. I just feel like the Democratic party is more in line with my views at this point, with the most important thing being the common person and their well-being. I'm not saying I'm tied to the Democratic party forever, if their views ever change and don't meet up with mine, I would be with whatever party embodied my views. In all of this, I've seen that the words of Socrates are more true than I understood them to be four years ago, that the unexamined life isn't worth living. Everyone really needs to know who they are, what they believe in, and why. Otherwise I don't think that you're being true to yourself or anyone else. What the future holds, I don't know, but I do know that I will always be trying to understand myself and sorting out what I believe. And more importantly than that, I will always try to help people in anyway that I can, because if we don't help each other, who will?

Stairway to Grown-Up World (not Heaven)

If anyone actually still reads these (other than Olivia, my one faithful reader, even though she probably already knows everything that's gonna be in here before she reads it, lol), here's what's going on in my life.

So I took my first steps today entering into the grown-up world. They may seem insignificant to anyone else, but I feel like it's a big deal. I'm talking about apartment hunting. Now maybe I only sat in front of my computer and looked at Rent.com for 15 minutes, but I still feel like that's a big step towards becoming an adult. It made me feel adult, anyway. Although maybe it didn't, because according to all of the signs we saw on the way down to Florida on Spring Break, "adult" only refers to the dirty sex shops that you see along the interstate. See I'm not talking about dirty interstate sex-shop adult, I'm talking about 9-5-no-more-homework-live-on-my-own adult. There's quite the difference there. So my plan thus far has been come graduation (on May 10th), I will move back home for a little while, work at my summer job that I've had since summer 2005 (Jay-Randolph Developmental Services where I work with young men who have physical and mental disabilities) for a month or two, and then move to Indianapolis for the rest of the time until I would go to grad school in the fall of 2009. Why Indy, you ask? Well, because I like to think that there will be more opportunities to find a job in a city of almost 800,000 people rather than in Smallville (Winchester) with a gigantic population of about 5,000. Also, maybe I'm just out to prove to myself that I can survive on my own. Granted, I'm sure I won't be entirely financially independent, as I will have to start paying off my student loans until I enroll in grad school. Also, my grandparents and cousin will probably be right around where I end up living, so help won't be too far away. But in a way, I'll feel like I'm on my own. This adult world is a scary place. You have to do things like maintain a budget, pay rent, go to work at the same time everyday, go to bed at a decent hour, and (shudder) do your own taxes. But I guess it won't be so bad. I'll only live in the Grown-Up World for a little under a year (if all goes according to plan), and then I'll be whisked back to the magical world of higher learning, where I can hide in Academia and not actually grow up, as I told a friend recently. But maybe, just maybe, I can be ready for Grown-Up World, if only for a little while.

Insomnia

So I'm not sure why this is happening or what I can do to stop it, but I can't sleep. I've been sleep problems for a few months now, but in the last few days I've discovered that even when I am physically and mentally exhausted I cannot lay down and go to sleep. This past Monday I only got 2 hours of sleep that morning. I thought for sure that in the break between my 9am and 2pm class that I would be able to take a nap like I usually do. Nothing. I laid down, and I just couldn't fall asleep, even though I was exhausted. Then that night (last night) I felt sure that I would be able to go to bed and sleep for a while. I laid down at 11pm and tried to go to sleep, only having had 2 hours of sleep before. Still nothing. I laid in bed for probably an hour and a half before I got up and read some and played a computer game. I then feel asleep around 2:30am. I don't know what's wrong with me. Even now, when I had about 5 hours of sleep last night, you would think I would be so tired that I would just go to sleep. But that's not happening. Whatever is going, I am fated not to go to dreamland, at least not for very long. Maybe I should become a nocturnal crime-fighter like Batman. At least then I'd have something to do with the time during which I couldn't sleep. But I'm out of shape and I have no money to buy expensive Bat-planes and such, so that probably a no-go on the Bat-idea. Oh well. I'll figure something out.

How Can I Make a Difference?

Tonight I watched Tears of the Sun, a movie that I recently purchased out of the $5 bin at Wal-Mart. I knew that I had seen it before, in high school, but I really bought it because it was $5 dollars and Bruce Willis is in it. Mr. Willis is one of my favorite actors, probably because most often he plays someone that we can all identify with: someone who doesn't go looking for the choice but is ultimately made to make a difficult decision between right and wrong. Even though his characters want to do the right thing, they always have baggage attached that makes it difficult for them to make the choice. Back to Tears of the Sun. I watched the movie, and remembered watching it the first time. It's a good movie overall, but very intense. It's a movie about a Navy SEAL team that gets sent into war-torn Africa to extract some U.S. citizens before a rebel group comes across their path. Bruce Willis' character eventually makes the decision to bring along the natives under one of the U.S. doctor's care, even though that will hinder them in their efforts to make a rendezvous point. The movie brings up a lot of good moral questions. What do you do when you know the right thing to do but someone in authority tells you that it doesn't matter? Also, when is it ok to think about yourself rather than other people? These are both tough questions, and there is a different answer for every person. However those questions aren't what I thought about, for the most part, during the movie. It was more about Africa, and the state it is in today. I've seen many movies and documentaries about how bad it is in Africa. Granted, movies are made for entertainment, and documentaries are made with a specific agenda in mind. But both do also have the agenda of education and activism, even if those goals are secondary. I think about The Invisible Children documentary that I saw at Harlaxton; I think about Blood Diamond; now Tears of the Sun can be added to this list. These films all made me consider what it must be like to live in a situation where there is no stable government, and everyday you take your life into your own hands, not knowing if you will live to the next day. I can't imagine how scary that must be. I sit here in my college dorm room with all of my food and books and movie and electronics, typing this on my own personal laptop, and what troubles do I really have? Term papers coming up that I'm not prepared for. A disease that makes it so I can't eat most grains without screwing up my intestines. Do I really have the right to complain about anything? I have a family who loves me, a wonderful girlfriend who is the love of my life, great friends; I can afford to go into debt to go to college and receive an education that not all people have the opportunity for; I have all of these things, and I am grateful. In having these things, I have what most people in the world probably don't. It makes me feel guilty, that I basically live a life free of want and violence, and I want to do something about the people who don't have anything remotely similar. I don't know exactly what I can do, or through what avenue, but I want to do something. If our government wasn't so busy fighting wars over matters that are shady at best, maybe they could offer some aid to these people. But at this time the aid for the most part has to come from individual groups. Don't get me wrong, I know that the government does do some things, like trying to help with AIDS relief and providing food and medication sometimes, but it could do so much more. People argue, shouldn't we take care of things at home before we try and do anything abroad? I think it's a little late for that. We've gotten our hands into so many situations world-wide that there is no way we could become isolationist again and solely tend to our own matters. Like it or not, we are an actor on the global stage. And rather than fighting wars that we have no business being in, why not wage a war on terror on all fronts? Why is it that only Islamic extremists are terrorists? Military leaders in "backwards" nations overthrowing the government and committing genocide apparently don't rate on the terror- scale. This country needs to take a new direction in how it operates concerning global-affairs. If we don't step in and do something in the name of human rights, we're going to be too late for even a "post-emptive" strike. If we start this as individuals, those governing will have to follow. I'll be the first to admit that I have no idea what to do, but I have the ambition to do something. I want to make the world a better place, in whatever way that I can. Now to just figure out how............

What's Wrong with Me?

So I've been feeling really crappy here lately, off and on basically since school started. I've been sick off and on, and I've never been like this before. It seems like it all started happening after I was diagnosed with Celiac disease, but I don't exactly know how there could be a connection to the two events, as theoretically I've always had Celiac disease, and being diagnosed just meant that now I know that I have it. This school year I've had a few colds, which I don't normally get. I also had a case of shingles about 2 months ago, which surprised the school nurse because apparently young people don't usually get that unless their immune system is really over-taxed. Looks like my immune system is working overtime and failing. I also have trouble getting enough sleep, but not in the usual way. I can sleep for 10 hours straight and still wake up feeling tired. I've also been told that I grind my teeth when I sleep, so I am apparently stressed. Well, the culmination of all of this came on Monday when I went to the health center here at school. I thought that maybe I had mono, and so I asked if I could get the test for it. I was told that I would have to come back later when one of the nurse-practitioners would be available. When I came back and saw said-nurse she said that she didn't think I had mono, but wanted me to get tested for anemia and possibly thyroid problems. She said that perhaps that Celiac had led to anemia, because basically when someone with Celiac eats products with gluten in them, the gluten wears down the villi that normally absorb nutrients and such in the intestines. Thus anemia can follow because if the villi are worn down enough, iron among other things can't be absorbed. So later that night I went and got 3 vials of blood taken to be tested for mono, anemia, and thyroid problems. I'm still waiting on the tests to come back, but I almost don't want to know the answer. It seems like every month some new problem comes up. I feel like I'm falling apart. I used to not get sick, but now I'm sick and not feeling up to par a lot. It's like I've finally discovered my Kryptonite.

Boo School

As I'm sitting here writing this I should instead be writing a paper about a Greek poem. However, I have been entering each indidivual Greek letter for my notes over the poem by hand using the "Insert Symbol" function of Microsoft Word and I am quickly tiring of it. This paper is going to take forever at this rate. I'm very ready for Thanksgiving Break, and even more ready for the semester to be over. I'm so tired of my classes that it's hard to care anymore. And therein lies the problem, because the semester isn't quite over yet, and the important stuff is what I have to hang in there for. I should probably care more about papers and final exams. That might come back to bite me. On a seperate note, I am probably going to get a Microsoft Zune for Christmas. I have been an iPod user for 2 or 3 years now, and it's not that I'm disatisfied, I just feel like the new Zunes are better than the iPod. Granted, they look better on paper, and I suppose that I will just have to actually try the Zune to evaluate its superiority. But after much research I have come to the conclusion that I would like the Zune better. It has a bigger screen than the iPod, it has a wireless sync function so that you don't actually have to plug it into your computer to sync your music, it has a radio built in which isn't a necessary feature but I think it will come in handy, and basically has all the same features as an iPod otherwise. So after having used it for a little while I can give a better evaluation of its performance, but that won't be until after Christmas obviously. Here's hoping that I'm right on this one. Well, that's all the random thoughts that I have for now, it's off to more Greek paper writing. I just need to survive until Tuesday after 2:30, which is when I get to GO HOME FOR THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why The World Doesn't Need Superman

I wrote this a while back, in January I think. At the time I couldn't post to Blogger because of technical difficulties. Now I can, and so I will.

I know that most anyone who knows me will wonder at the title of this blog entry. You'll say to yourself, "But Superman is Tyler's favorite superhero, why would he write that?" Well, I have very good reasons, but rest assured, Superman still remains my favorite superhero. I was watching Superman Returns recently, and an idea came to me from Lois Lane’s Pulitzer-winning article from the movie, the title I took for this blog entry (I hope I don’t get sued). I use the title more for its real-life application than from an affinity (or lack-thereof) for a fictional being. I've been thinking a lot lately about the status of the world in general. Things don't look good, almost across the board. There are famines, droughts, floods, and other natural disasters that impoverish people and lead to some of the worst living conditions that one could imagine. On top of that, man-made disasters such as war inflict their damage on the world. Part of where all of this came from was from seeing two films, one educational in nature, the other only partly so. The two films that I am referring to are Invisible Children and Blood Diamond. Both films give a perspective of war-torn Africa, and though there is some over-lap, they deal with slightly different material. Invisible Children I saw at Harlaxton, and it made me think about how bad things are in Africa. It was a documentary that told the story of how children are essentially stolen and then brain-washed by rebel factions into becoming mindless killing-machines. That's hard to fathom, children with guns, killing people? How terrible does that sound? The motive behind these groups is greed in the face of poverty. The areas where this takes place are areas that are severely impoverished, and these rebel groups seek to bring themselves above the status quo by overthrowing the government and taking whatever they want. Blood Diamond I saw recently in theaters, and though it was a movie made to bring in a profit, it also had a message about Africa. It talked about the diamond-mining that funds the same rebel armies who are attempting to over-throw the government in order to instate their own autocracy on the impoverished people. The diamonds would be slipped into the world markets, and no one would know the difference. Now bills have been passed so that these conflict-diamonds can be more traceable, and thus when diamonds are bought around the world, more often than not it can be ascertained where it came from, so as not to indirectly fund these rebel groups; the buyer simply has to ask. Blood Diamond also touched on the subject of the child-soldiers, even going so far as to show a scene in which a boy has been so brain-washed that he is willing to kill his own father before the father talks him down and reminds him of who he really is. I couldn’t imagine anything like that. Blood Diamond also takes a pessimistic/cynical view when the main character says that organizations such as the Peace Corps don’t really do anything. They come in and attempt to do something until they realize that the problem is well above their means, and thus they pack up and leave, feeling defeated. I don’t know how truthful this is, but it sure is disheartening. It makes you feel like if they can’t do anything, how can I? I wish that something could be done about these problems, immediately-speaking. We see on the news everyday that more and more people are killed every day in suicide-bombings and other terrorism-related events. More troops and civilians die every day in Iraq, and it seems that we are no closer to the goal of a democratic Iraq run by its own people than we were four years ago. People in under-developed Latin American countries drink water that is mixed with sewage because they have no way to purify it. We drink bottled water by the gallon and think nothing of it. I’m just as guilty as the rest. Here in America and other places of relative wealth, we’ve become apathetic to the needs of those less fortunate. We are too busy doing nothing here in our own country, bickering about the trivial yet apparently paramount differences between Liberals and Conservatives. Even here the less-fortunate are many times no better off, they just happen to live in a better place, and still we do nothing. Everyone seems to be occupied with getting the most out of life for themselves. That’s not to say that there are not good people out there, it’s just more often than not selfishness is easier than going out of your way to help someone. Again, I’m just as guilty as the next person. Everywhere you look you can see disaster and misfortune. However unlike a comic book, we can’t just look up in the sky and wait for a man in tights and a cape to swoop down and save us. Superheroes are great for escapism, to imagine that there are people who could move mountains and travel faster than a speeding bullet. And then these characters use their powers to fight for humanity, for truth, and for justice. We even imagine to ourselves, “If only I had those sorts of powers. What a difference I could make. Then I could change the world." But I think therein lies the problem. We see ourselves as a single person. We can’t fly on our own, nor can we lift buildings, or hear things miles away. We only see our own shortcomings as humans, as a single entity in a world of billions. But one person can’t do everything. Even Superman, if he were a real being, could not do everything to get rid of evil and need. The world doesn’t need Superman; what the world needs are super-men and super-women. Realistically there are no superheroes to speak of. No Spider-Man, or Batman, or Wonder Woman, or Wolverine, or Captain Marvel; these beings simply don’t exist. However that doesn’t mean that there are no heroes. Ordinary men and women can rise above themselves and reach out to help others, in essence becoming heroes; no super-powers are needed. As Aunt May said in Spider-Man 2, “I believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble…" We don’t need to be bitten by a radioactive spider in order to make a difference in the world; we just have to want to make a difference, and do our best to do what we can. One person can make a difference, but the more people that there are to help get to that goal, the quicker that that vision can become a reality, for all humankind. So after looking up in the sky and realizing that the object is just a bird, or just a plane, then we must look to ourselves, and find the Superman or Superwoman that is inside each of us, waiting to save the day.

Energy Levels Dropping

So everyone has those days where they can't muster the energy to do anything productive. I've been in that funk for a few weeks now. I guess I'm just not wanting to do much. I think that negatively reflects on my abilities, but it's hard to do anything when you don't have the motivation. Maybe it's my sleep schedule. I'll sleep a lot one day and then little the next. That's probably not good. I just feel tired all of the time and I don't want to do anything. So I don't. And then I get behind on things. Then I have to crawl back out of the mess and get things accomplished. It's a vicious cycle and I need to do something about it. But again, that takes motivation, so I suppose I need to motivate myself to get motivated. Try that paradox out for size. I got an unexpected honor this past Sunday. In my mailbox I found a letter from the foreign languages department. Apparently I was nominated by my Greek professor Dr. Ware to be inducted into a language national honor society, Phi Sigma Iota. I would pay an initiation fee and from then on I would pay a yearly-membership, and it'll look very good on resumes. Plus, I'll have connections for the future. So that was exciting. Otherwise, nothing much to report. Possible updates later on whether or not I can crawl out of this unmotivated funk.

"Contains Wheat"

Today I did some grocery shopping because my food was running low. So I went to Wesselman's, a grocery-store about 5 minutes by walking from campus. I was looking around trying to decide on what I wanted to buy. It started with the potatoes. I saw some au gratin potatoes that were on sale and looked good, so I was going to get them. I then looked at the nutrition facts, but only as an after-thought. How could potatoes and cheese contain wheat? However I then turned the box over and looked at the ingredients and at the end I found the dreaded phrase: "Contains Wheat." I almost threw the box across the store. How is this possible?! I then started to formulate conspiracy theories. These companies knew that I had recently been diagnosed with Celiac Disease over the summer, making it so that any wheat rye or barley products that enter my intestines cannot be digested and cause permanent damage to my intestines, very likely resulting in intestinal cancer. These companies knew this and didn't want me to eat anything good. Then I pushed those thoughts into the back of my mind. Surely that can't be the case. The wheat is added for some purpose. Oh, and don't call me Shirley. I then looked at some french fries that had some seasoning on them. Sure enough on the ingredients: "Contains Wheat." Again rage built up inside of me. I then shopped around for other things that I needed that I knew were ok for me to eat. Turkey and cheese and milk and chips. These things were just fine. And then I went to the frozen meals. Obviously the ones that would be breaded would not be ok, but I thought that the others should probably be ok. After checking about 7 or 8 of said meals, I came to the conclusion that these the frozen food companies were in league with the french fry and potato people. They all hated me without even knowing me and wanted me to die of intestinal cancer. Ok, so maybe that was a bit over board, but I was quite distraught over not being able to get the things that I wanted. I suppose in the end it's worth it to be on this diet, watching what I eat so that I can prevent the inevitable cancer that is such a prevalent fear in this day and age. I might not like all of this dieting and label-reading now, but someday I'll look back on it in my old age and understand that it was worth it.

Throwing the First Stone

Why as a society do we not allow people to make up for their mistakes? Why is it that when someone messes up, we automatically label them as a "bad person" and assume that they should not be a part of "normal society" any longer? Why do we never give anyone the benefit of the doubt? I don't think that term even applies anymore, because no one ever uses it. We automatically assume the worst, and the person has no chance to explain themselves, or to try and pay recompense for what they've done. People simply pass judgment and condemn the person for the rest of their lives. I don't buy into that. As terrible as humanity seems to be most of the time, we are all a part of it, whether we like it or not. It could easily be you or me that makes the mistake next time, and wouldn't we like to be given a second chance by everyone else? I believe that everyone, no matter who you are, is capable of making choices that turn out to be bad decisions. However I also believe that everyone, again, no matter who you are, is capable of turning around and making changes in their lives to make it so that they don't make that same mistake again. People are capable of change, and most importantly, we are all capable of making changes for the better. I think that's what gives me hope about humanity. I believe that everyone has that choice, everyone is capable of bettering themselves. Some choose not to take this route, and that is the decision of each individual. But I think that we can all make the world a better place by making a conscious decision to see the best in ourselves, as well as in others. Let's hold off on passing judgment until we have given the person a fair chance. If our assumptions are proven correct and the person was in the wrong, then what have we lost? But if we pass judgment on an innocent person, haven't we thrown the first stone, essentially? What gives us that right? Everyone deserves a chance, and if we do that ourselves, we will most certainly get it in return.

Late-Night Ponderings

So here I am at 3:30 in the AM sitting at my computer not wanting to go to bed. I've been here at school for about a week now, for RA training. I really really like the people that I'm going to be on staff with. I know everyone on staff really well, because out of the 7 other people, 5 of them went to Harlaxton with me a year ago, 1 was on staff with me as an RA last year, and the last person I got to know a little bit at the end of last semester. I think that we are going to be a very close-knit and fun group. As an example of just those qualities, me and 4 of the other RAs got back from McDonald's a little while ago after going on a whim. It's nice to have people to do that sort of thing with. And I think that we will all do a good job with the residents, which is our job. I'm looking forward to the school-year starting. I know most people don't look at it that way. I really look forward to starting classes, mainly because I pick all of my classes so they are ones that I want to take. I'm excited about taking my fourth language, adding German to the mix of Spanish, Latin, and ancient Greek. You might think that makes me an language guru, but really I just know a little bit from all of them. Also going with the language theme I'm taking a linguistic anthropology class. Languages are very interesting to me. The thing I'm not looking forward to is I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do after college. And with this being my senior year, everyone is going to be asking me just that question. I'm sure that I will figure it out in time, but it's frustrating to me personally when someone asks me a question that I either don't know the answer or am unsure of it. Speaking of being unsure, how about that religion. Have you heard about that? Ok, so that was a bad stand-up comedy intro, but I just did it. I've been in a questioning stage about faith and religion for about 2 years now. I still consider myself a Christian, because I believe in the Jesus of the gospels. But it's hard for me to see exactly how faith should be. I think too many people have turned what Jesus started into an institution where you go to feel good about yourself because you worship the right God and you do what you think that you're supposed to do. In other words, I think Christianity has become simply a social club that people use to boost their self-esteem. If you go to enough services and pray enough and shove your idea of religion down other people's throats without regard to how they feel, you are a "strong Christian". It's hard to see much good about it when the central agency that's supposed to stand for good and morality doesn't seem to care about people anymore. I feel like all that churches are interested in today is condemning people for being different and then guilting these "bad people" into seeing things the church's way. I don't want to be a part of any such club. I believe in the commandments that Jesus himself said were most important: to love God and love your neighbor. And I think that a case can be made for those statements being equal actions; I think that you can love God by loving your neighbor. I feel like one honors God when they help someone who needs help. I could be wrong on that, but it's what I feel is right. No one cares about their fellow human-being anymore. They just care about the spiritual "high" they get at a worship-service. I don't buy into that, and if that's all Christianity is going to be, something people participate in to feel good about themselves and they only do it for themselves, I don't want to be part of that. I think that something has gone wrong, and I often wonder if Jesus would be disappointed at the way things have become. Anyway, I've been jumping from topic to topic and what I really need to do is go to bed. I have to be up in 4.5 hours, and I'm probably gonna be pretty grumpy. We'll see how tomorrow goes.