What's Wrong with Me?

So I've been feeling really crappy here lately, off and on basically since school started. I've been sick off and on, and I've never been like this before. It seems like it all started happening after I was diagnosed with Celiac disease, but I don't exactly know how there could be a connection to the two events, as theoretically I've always had Celiac disease, and being diagnosed just meant that now I know that I have it. This school year I've had a few colds, which I don't normally get. I also had a case of shingles about 2 months ago, which surprised the school nurse because apparently young people don't usually get that unless their immune system is really over-taxed. Looks like my immune system is working overtime and failing. I also have trouble getting enough sleep, but not in the usual way. I can sleep for 10 hours straight and still wake up feeling tired. I've also been told that I grind my teeth when I sleep, so I am apparently stressed. Well, the culmination of all of this came on Monday when I went to the health center here at school. I thought that maybe I had mono, and so I asked if I could get the test for it. I was told that I would have to come back later when one of the nurse-practitioners would be available. When I came back and saw said-nurse she said that she didn't think I had mono, but wanted me to get tested for anemia and possibly thyroid problems. She said that perhaps that Celiac had led to anemia, because basically when someone with Celiac eats products with gluten in them, the gluten wears down the villi that normally absorb nutrients and such in the intestines. Thus anemia can follow because if the villi are worn down enough, iron among other things can't be absorbed. So later that night I went and got 3 vials of blood taken to be tested for mono, anemia, and thyroid problems. I'm still waiting on the tests to come back, but I almost don't want to know the answer. It seems like every month some new problem comes up. I feel like I'm falling apart. I used to not get sick, but now I'm sick and not feeling up to par a lot. It's like I've finally discovered my Kryptonite.

Boo School

As I'm sitting here writing this I should instead be writing a paper about a Greek poem. However, I have been entering each indidivual Greek letter for my notes over the poem by hand using the "Insert Symbol" function of Microsoft Word and I am quickly tiring of it. This paper is going to take forever at this rate. I'm very ready for Thanksgiving Break, and even more ready for the semester to be over. I'm so tired of my classes that it's hard to care anymore. And therein lies the problem, because the semester isn't quite over yet, and the important stuff is what I have to hang in there for. I should probably care more about papers and final exams. That might come back to bite me. On a seperate note, I am probably going to get a Microsoft Zune for Christmas. I have been an iPod user for 2 or 3 years now, and it's not that I'm disatisfied, I just feel like the new Zunes are better than the iPod. Granted, they look better on paper, and I suppose that I will just have to actually try the Zune to evaluate its superiority. But after much research I have come to the conclusion that I would like the Zune better. It has a bigger screen than the iPod, it has a wireless sync function so that you don't actually have to plug it into your computer to sync your music, it has a radio built in which isn't a necessary feature but I think it will come in handy, and basically has all the same features as an iPod otherwise. So after having used it for a little while I can give a better evaluation of its performance, but that won't be until after Christmas obviously. Here's hoping that I'm right on this one. Well, that's all the random thoughts that I have for now, it's off to more Greek paper writing. I just need to survive until Tuesday after 2:30, which is when I get to GO HOME FOR THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why The World Doesn't Need Superman

I wrote this a while back, in January I think. At the time I couldn't post to Blogger because of technical difficulties. Now I can, and so I will.

I know that most anyone who knows me will wonder at the title of this blog entry. You'll say to yourself, "But Superman is Tyler's favorite superhero, why would he write that?" Well, I have very good reasons, but rest assured, Superman still remains my favorite superhero. I was watching Superman Returns recently, and an idea came to me from Lois Lane’s Pulitzer-winning article from the movie, the title I took for this blog entry (I hope I don’t get sued). I use the title more for its real-life application than from an affinity (or lack-thereof) for a fictional being. I've been thinking a lot lately about the status of the world in general. Things don't look good, almost across the board. There are famines, droughts, floods, and other natural disasters that impoverish people and lead to some of the worst living conditions that one could imagine. On top of that, man-made disasters such as war inflict their damage on the world. Part of where all of this came from was from seeing two films, one educational in nature, the other only partly so. The two films that I am referring to are Invisible Children and Blood Diamond. Both films give a perspective of war-torn Africa, and though there is some over-lap, they deal with slightly different material. Invisible Children I saw at Harlaxton, and it made me think about how bad things are in Africa. It was a documentary that told the story of how children are essentially stolen and then brain-washed by rebel factions into becoming mindless killing-machines. That's hard to fathom, children with guns, killing people? How terrible does that sound? The motive behind these groups is greed in the face of poverty. The areas where this takes place are areas that are severely impoverished, and these rebel groups seek to bring themselves above the status quo by overthrowing the government and taking whatever they want. Blood Diamond I saw recently in theaters, and though it was a movie made to bring in a profit, it also had a message about Africa. It talked about the diamond-mining that funds the same rebel armies who are attempting to over-throw the government in order to instate their own autocracy on the impoverished people. The diamonds would be slipped into the world markets, and no one would know the difference. Now bills have been passed so that these conflict-diamonds can be more traceable, and thus when diamonds are bought around the world, more often than not it can be ascertained where it came from, so as not to indirectly fund these rebel groups; the buyer simply has to ask. Blood Diamond also touched on the subject of the child-soldiers, even going so far as to show a scene in which a boy has been so brain-washed that he is willing to kill his own father before the father talks him down and reminds him of who he really is. I couldn’t imagine anything like that. Blood Diamond also takes a pessimistic/cynical view when the main character says that organizations such as the Peace Corps don’t really do anything. They come in and attempt to do something until they realize that the problem is well above their means, and thus they pack up and leave, feeling defeated. I don’t know how truthful this is, but it sure is disheartening. It makes you feel like if they can’t do anything, how can I? I wish that something could be done about these problems, immediately-speaking. We see on the news everyday that more and more people are killed every day in suicide-bombings and other terrorism-related events. More troops and civilians die every day in Iraq, and it seems that we are no closer to the goal of a democratic Iraq run by its own people than we were four years ago. People in under-developed Latin American countries drink water that is mixed with sewage because they have no way to purify it. We drink bottled water by the gallon and think nothing of it. I’m just as guilty as the rest. Here in America and other places of relative wealth, we’ve become apathetic to the needs of those less fortunate. We are too busy doing nothing here in our own country, bickering about the trivial yet apparently paramount differences between Liberals and Conservatives. Even here the less-fortunate are many times no better off, they just happen to live in a better place, and still we do nothing. Everyone seems to be occupied with getting the most out of life for themselves. That’s not to say that there are not good people out there, it’s just more often than not selfishness is easier than going out of your way to help someone. Again, I’m just as guilty as the next person. Everywhere you look you can see disaster and misfortune. However unlike a comic book, we can’t just look up in the sky and wait for a man in tights and a cape to swoop down and save us. Superheroes are great for escapism, to imagine that there are people who could move mountains and travel faster than a speeding bullet. And then these characters use their powers to fight for humanity, for truth, and for justice. We even imagine to ourselves, “If only I had those sorts of powers. What a difference I could make. Then I could change the world." But I think therein lies the problem. We see ourselves as a single person. We can’t fly on our own, nor can we lift buildings, or hear things miles away. We only see our own shortcomings as humans, as a single entity in a world of billions. But one person can’t do everything. Even Superman, if he were a real being, could not do everything to get rid of evil and need. The world doesn’t need Superman; what the world needs are super-men and super-women. Realistically there are no superheroes to speak of. No Spider-Man, or Batman, or Wonder Woman, or Wolverine, or Captain Marvel; these beings simply don’t exist. However that doesn’t mean that there are no heroes. Ordinary men and women can rise above themselves and reach out to help others, in essence becoming heroes; no super-powers are needed. As Aunt May said in Spider-Man 2, “I believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble…" We don’t need to be bitten by a radioactive spider in order to make a difference in the world; we just have to want to make a difference, and do our best to do what we can. One person can make a difference, but the more people that there are to help get to that goal, the quicker that that vision can become a reality, for all humankind. So after looking up in the sky and realizing that the object is just a bird, or just a plane, then we must look to ourselves, and find the Superman or Superwoman that is inside each of us, waiting to save the day.

Energy Levels Dropping

So everyone has those days where they can't muster the energy to do anything productive. I've been in that funk for a few weeks now. I guess I'm just not wanting to do much. I think that negatively reflects on my abilities, but it's hard to do anything when you don't have the motivation. Maybe it's my sleep schedule. I'll sleep a lot one day and then little the next. That's probably not good. I just feel tired all of the time and I don't want to do anything. So I don't. And then I get behind on things. Then I have to crawl back out of the mess and get things accomplished. It's a vicious cycle and I need to do something about it. But again, that takes motivation, so I suppose I need to motivate myself to get motivated. Try that paradox out for size. I got an unexpected honor this past Sunday. In my mailbox I found a letter from the foreign languages department. Apparently I was nominated by my Greek professor Dr. Ware to be inducted into a language national honor society, Phi Sigma Iota. I would pay an initiation fee and from then on I would pay a yearly-membership, and it'll look very good on resumes. Plus, I'll have connections for the future. So that was exciting. Otherwise, nothing much to report. Possible updates later on whether or not I can crawl out of this unmotivated funk.

"Contains Wheat"

Today I did some grocery shopping because my food was running low. So I went to Wesselman's, a grocery-store about 5 minutes by walking from campus. I was looking around trying to decide on what I wanted to buy. It started with the potatoes. I saw some au gratin potatoes that were on sale and looked good, so I was going to get them. I then looked at the nutrition facts, but only as an after-thought. How could potatoes and cheese contain wheat? However I then turned the box over and looked at the ingredients and at the end I found the dreaded phrase: "Contains Wheat." I almost threw the box across the store. How is this possible?! I then started to formulate conspiracy theories. These companies knew that I had recently been diagnosed with Celiac Disease over the summer, making it so that any wheat rye or barley products that enter my intestines cannot be digested and cause permanent damage to my intestines, very likely resulting in intestinal cancer. These companies knew this and didn't want me to eat anything good. Then I pushed those thoughts into the back of my mind. Surely that can't be the case. The wheat is added for some purpose. Oh, and don't call me Shirley. I then looked at some french fries that had some seasoning on them. Sure enough on the ingredients: "Contains Wheat." Again rage built up inside of me. I then shopped around for other things that I needed that I knew were ok for me to eat. Turkey and cheese and milk and chips. These things were just fine. And then I went to the frozen meals. Obviously the ones that would be breaded would not be ok, but I thought that the others should probably be ok. After checking about 7 or 8 of said meals, I came to the conclusion that these the frozen food companies were in league with the french fry and potato people. They all hated me without even knowing me and wanted me to die of intestinal cancer. Ok, so maybe that was a bit over board, but I was quite distraught over not being able to get the things that I wanted. I suppose in the end it's worth it to be on this diet, watching what I eat so that I can prevent the inevitable cancer that is such a prevalent fear in this day and age. I might not like all of this dieting and label-reading now, but someday I'll look back on it in my old age and understand that it was worth it.

Throwing the First Stone

Why as a society do we not allow people to make up for their mistakes? Why is it that when someone messes up, we automatically label them as a "bad person" and assume that they should not be a part of "normal society" any longer? Why do we never give anyone the benefit of the doubt? I don't think that term even applies anymore, because no one ever uses it. We automatically assume the worst, and the person has no chance to explain themselves, or to try and pay recompense for what they've done. People simply pass judgment and condemn the person for the rest of their lives. I don't buy into that. As terrible as humanity seems to be most of the time, we are all a part of it, whether we like it or not. It could easily be you or me that makes the mistake next time, and wouldn't we like to be given a second chance by everyone else? I believe that everyone, no matter who you are, is capable of making choices that turn out to be bad decisions. However I also believe that everyone, again, no matter who you are, is capable of turning around and making changes in their lives to make it so that they don't make that same mistake again. People are capable of change, and most importantly, we are all capable of making changes for the better. I think that's what gives me hope about humanity. I believe that everyone has that choice, everyone is capable of bettering themselves. Some choose not to take this route, and that is the decision of each individual. But I think that we can all make the world a better place by making a conscious decision to see the best in ourselves, as well as in others. Let's hold off on passing judgment until we have given the person a fair chance. If our assumptions are proven correct and the person was in the wrong, then what have we lost? But if we pass judgment on an innocent person, haven't we thrown the first stone, essentially? What gives us that right? Everyone deserves a chance, and if we do that ourselves, we will most certainly get it in return.

Late-Night Ponderings

So here I am at 3:30 in the AM sitting at my computer not wanting to go to bed. I've been here at school for about a week now, for RA training. I really really like the people that I'm going to be on staff with. I know everyone on staff really well, because out of the 7 other people, 5 of them went to Harlaxton with me a year ago, 1 was on staff with me as an RA last year, and the last person I got to know a little bit at the end of last semester. I think that we are going to be a very close-knit and fun group. As an example of just those qualities, me and 4 of the other RAs got back from McDonald's a little while ago after going on a whim. It's nice to have people to do that sort of thing with. And I think that we will all do a good job with the residents, which is our job. I'm looking forward to the school-year starting. I know most people don't look at it that way. I really look forward to starting classes, mainly because I pick all of my classes so they are ones that I want to take. I'm excited about taking my fourth language, adding German to the mix of Spanish, Latin, and ancient Greek. You might think that makes me an language guru, but really I just know a little bit from all of them. Also going with the language theme I'm taking a linguistic anthropology class. Languages are very interesting to me. The thing I'm not looking forward to is I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to do after college. And with this being my senior year, everyone is going to be asking me just that question. I'm sure that I will figure it out in time, but it's frustrating to me personally when someone asks me a question that I either don't know the answer or am unsure of it. Speaking of being unsure, how about that religion. Have you heard about that? Ok, so that was a bad stand-up comedy intro, but I just did it. I've been in a questioning stage about faith and religion for about 2 years now. I still consider myself a Christian, because I believe in the Jesus of the gospels. But it's hard for me to see exactly how faith should be. I think too many people have turned what Jesus started into an institution where you go to feel good about yourself because you worship the right God and you do what you think that you're supposed to do. In other words, I think Christianity has become simply a social club that people use to boost their self-esteem. If you go to enough services and pray enough and shove your idea of religion down other people's throats without regard to how they feel, you are a "strong Christian". It's hard to see much good about it when the central agency that's supposed to stand for good and morality doesn't seem to care about people anymore. I feel like all that churches are interested in today is condemning people for being different and then guilting these "bad people" into seeing things the church's way. I don't want to be a part of any such club. I believe in the commandments that Jesus himself said were most important: to love God and love your neighbor. And I think that a case can be made for those statements being equal actions; I think that you can love God by loving your neighbor. I feel like one honors God when they help someone who needs help. I could be wrong on that, but it's what I feel is right. No one cares about their fellow human-being anymore. They just care about the spiritual "high" they get at a worship-service. I don't buy into that, and if that's all Christianity is going to be, something people participate in to feel good about themselves and they only do it for themselves, I don't want to be part of that. I think that something has gone wrong, and I often wonder if Jesus would be disappointed at the way things have become. Anyway, I've been jumping from topic to topic and what I really need to do is go to bed. I have to be up in 4.5 hours, and I'm probably gonna be pretty grumpy. We'll see how tomorrow goes.